Numb
by KatieinSyd
Summary: The ocean was still. No waves, no ripples, just a reflection of water as far as the eye could see. Eric wriggled his bare feet in the soft sand. He looked down to see the sand flow over his feet and between his toes. He took a deep breath and walked further along the beach.


The ocean was still. No waves, no ripples, just a reflection of water as far as the eye could see. Eric wriggled his bare feet in the soft sand. He looked down to see the sand flow over his feet and between his toes. He took a deep breath and walked further along the beach. When he was far enough away from the crowd he put his sneakers down and sat down on the sand. It was an overcast day in Los Angeles. The surf was flat. It might even rain. The rain and the ocean suited his mood perfectly.

He couldn't believe it. It was just surreal. Nell was dead. She was gone. It felt like a lie. Like a movie. Was this really happening? But it was true.

Nell had been killed in a car accident last Thursday night. She'd been returning from dinner at Sam and Michelle's house. She was at a freeway exit intersection when it had happened. A car had run a red light and crashed into her. Deeks had spoken to the LAPD officers on scene and read the LAPD Accident Report. He told them the other driver had been drunk when he had run the light. The other driver was killed on impact in the accident too. Eric didn't know if he was supposed to feel better because the other guy died.

Hetty had told all of them the bad news the next morning at work. She'd had given them all the rest of the day off to grieve if they'd wanted it. Eric took it. When he came back to work on Monday he found out that Kensi and Deeks had taken Friday afternoon off too.

Eric hadn't gone to dinner with Sam and Michelle. He'd had prior plans for a squash game with his friends. He felt guilty about dropping out of dinner. Would he have been killed in the car accident too? Could have prevented the car accident? His mind felt like mush. There had been so many thoughts running through his mind in the last five days. He was so tired. Oh, Nell; poor Nell.

Working in OPS this week had been strange. He was alone. And he wasn't alone because Nell was out in the field or on annual leave. She was dead. She wasn't coming back. He couldn't count how many times he had turned to his right to ask her a question or tell her about something he'd found. But the chair was empty. It gotten to the point where he couldn't do his job. He was anxious and distraught. He'd gotten so used to seeing her, living with her in that room that he couldn't concentrate on his job. It hurt too much. He'd gone downstairs this afternoon to tell Hetty that he felt unwell and wanted to go home. Hetty listened with understanding.

'Of course, Mr Beale. Are you still attending Ms Jones funeral in New York on Friday?' she asked.

'I'm still going' he said.

'Very well. Mr Callen and the team are attending too. Take care Mr Beale' she said.

And here he was sitting on the beach on a Wednesday afternoon feeling like, well, he didn't know how he felt.

Eric found a message on his answering machine this morning when he woke up. Nate had heard the news and called to offer his condolences. He wouldn't be able to attend Nell's funeral because he was in South Korea with the State Department. Nate said they would catch up when he got back to Los Angeles. Eric would like that. It would be good to share happy memories with someone who knew and loved her.

Callen, Sam, Deeks, and Kensi had all spoken with him separately on Monday and Tuesday. Deeks had spent the most time with him. He said he remembered how impressed he'd been with Nell's field work with him. He said he knew that in time that Nell would be a field agent as good as any of them. Eric had just listened. He didn't know that he had the words to make Deeks feel better, but Deeks had just wanted to talk. Deeks finished by saying that in his opinion the US Navy had lost one of their best. Callen and Kensi hadn't said much but Eric knew that they were grieving too. The sincerity was in their eyes.

Eric looked out to the ocean. It just kept rolling in. All day. All night. The waves kept rolling in. No matter what happened in the world. No matter how much his life had been torn apart. The ocean waves would keep rolling in. Eric could hear the traffic in Venice behind him. The people jogging along the beach. The children playing at the playground. He took a deep breath.

It was time to go. Time to go to New York to say goodbye to Nell. Eric picked up his shoes and walked off the beach.

THE END


End file.
